Sunday, November 16, 2008

I'm Being Stalked By A Radical Profeminist

Good evening, Shangi Fans!

Hi, I am MadShangi and I am a bit of a celebrity in some circles. Or at least I think I'm a celebrity, otherwise why would somebody spend their time and energy stalking me. Recently I became aware of a blog called “A Radical Profeminist” that is owned and maintained by a complete waste of skin that goes by the name Julian Real.

Julian Real's great plan is to undo the vast conspiracy known as the “Patriarchy.” And he plans on doing this by posting long-winded rants against males and spouting a lot of feminist rhetoric in a completely fascist manner. Julian's rants are reminiscent of Valerie Solanas, the radical feminist best known for shooting Andy Warhol in 1968 – only strangely Valerie comes across as much manlier.

I posted a comment one of Julian's many rants, and then went on my merry way thinking nothing of it. I got a response back from him, but I ignored it... I had better things to do after all. Until recently, when I became aware that I, yours truly, became the subject of Julian's latest blog – which can be found here:

A Radical Profeminist
This blog exists to challenge white heterosexual male supremacy as an institutionalized ideology and a systematized set of practices which are misogynistic, heterosexist, genocidal, and ecocidal.
(yeah, it actually says that)

I was shocked to find, that the guy had grown so obsessed with me – that he decided to do a search of my screen name and found an old MySpace page that I used to have. I hardly ever used MySpace and didn't really put much thought or energy into it, but this guy had copied and pasted things from that page, and put it into another one of his mindless rants about anti-feminists. Hey, Julian? Stalk much? I know I'm a handsome guy and all, but really, this kind of attention isn't really flattering. You kind of remind me of Kathy Bates' character from “Misery.” I wouldn't be surprised if you were a Scientologist, either.

In a way, I felt rather violated. Even though there wasn't anything on that page that was too scandalous, at least no more scandalous than what was found on Miley Cyrus' MySpace – some dream I humorously wrote about in a blog, that's about it. Oh, and you can bet your ass that this Julian Real was salivating over my dream, tapping into my subconscious, before going into a lengthy deconstruction of it. He for some reason found it worthy to note that I had “Eminem” as one of my MySpace friends. You know, 'cause Em and I are such homies. We share the same mother-hating bond, that unites us all men. It got me thinking: “How would Julian feel if some psycho happened to dig into HIS life, to fill his twisted purposes?” And so I did.

Born in 1981, Julian was an unhappy child. Tormented and teased as a child, Julian was the recipient of vicious bullying in the schoolyard for his habit of cross-dressing, and obsession with the 80's cartoon “My Pretty Pony.” His father was a baptist minister, who would sneak into his room at night to fondle him, while reading passages from the Bible about stoning disobedient children. His mother was a radical feminist, who would frequently threaten to “cut it off” if he didn't behave. Later in life, Julian was known to pace up and down the halls of his high school, rambling about a “Patriarchy” that “OPPRESSED US ALL!” which would often get Julian in trouble with the establishment. But soon, Julian found solace in hard drugs and blogging.

I truly feel sorry for the poor lad, I truly do. His obsession with me, is clearly the result of a long incubating mental illness that has plagued Julian for most of his adult life. I truly hope that he gets the help that he needs. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Julian, I hope for a speedy recovery.

God bless – MadShangi AKA Patrick Doran.

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